The following is a paper, written in December of 2005. Some noticeable highlights as you read... The first glimpse of Peter dealings with his alter-ego, Manasseh (they're my dealings with Manasseh)... My disrespectful attitude towards the former church I'd attented... Also, a lot of heartache and pain. Interesting read... Enjoy.
=====================================================
“Martie is going to kill me!” I thought to myself. “No, she won’t,” answer a voice from inside my head. “Why do you think that?” “Because, I haven’t done my homework assignment that is due in January.” “Big procrastinator,” reply the voice. “Yea, but I did go home on Saturday night in December’s MA weekend, and I logon to Papa Ji’s website and read all about him.” I told the voice. “Yes, but you didn’t write your reflection paper on Papa Ji,” said the voice.
“Hey!” I cried out. “You better not be the same voice, that told me, I was going to married Kay when I was a practicing Mormon. I told you, to leave me alone and never speak to me ever again.” No reply came from the voice from my head. “Hmmm,” I thought, “something fishy.” I waited a minute and nothing else happen, so I went on about my business.
It have been about two years since I have left the Mormon Church and set out on my new spiritual path. Happiness had returned to my presents. New people had entered into my life and had brought gifts of knowledge. Two years ago, I would not have any kind of contact with, what members of the Mormon Church called, “Woo Woo people.” Prejudice and labeling seems so remote to me, now. I’m happy to report; I am one of those “Woo Woo people.”
As I reflect back on the days when I was involved with the Mormon Church, they give you the gift of “The Holy Ghost,” when you’re baptize into the Church. The Holy Ghost is sometimes referred to as the still small voice, when cultivated after a number of years, will begin to speak to you, in my case, as a voice inside my head. Could I have imaged this voice? Was I insane or mad? I don’t know. All I remembered, was my feelings were shut down and my heart closed off. I was taught you obey the commandments of God, and the still small voice. The Holy Ghost will never lead you astray.
In my view, the Holy Ghost will make you miserable if you’re not doing what you’re suppose to do, i.e. Keeping the “Mormon” commandments of God. I had many feelings and desires I wanted to express, but I wasn’t allowed to, this according to the dogmatic laws of the church. You were not allowed to feel or express anything from you heart, this could lead to “temptation and sin.” The leadership of church always taught you to listen to the voice of the Holy Ghost.
I observe many single members of the Mormon Church going through “the revolving door” of marriage. Single members would marry, only to find themselves back in the singles program of the church, after a short few months of marriage. Then, I would hear they have gone right back into another marriage. I was not exempt to the revolving door of marriage and divorce. Of course, there were those that were told by “the voice” they would marry someone only to have their desires dash against the rocks of reality. The other party didn’t reciprocate or was told, they’re not the one, by “the voice.” Such as the case with Kay Murphy. I was told; I’d was not the one for her by the Holy Ghost.
How barbaric is this thought? Being told by imagery voice, not to love another human soul to cover up feelings of the heart and to with hold the expression of love is nothing short of pride and prejudice. No wonder the mystic, Andrew Harvey is so verbal against self-righteous religion. Four years ago, I curse myself and the god who wrote this law of pride and prejudice.
“What do you mean; you curse yourself and the god who wrote the law of pride and prejudice? That doesn’t make sense,” said the voice, returning again.
“Ahh, you’re back. Are you here to help me write my reflection paper?” I asked the voice.
“Martie is going to think either you’re insane or you cannot write proper sentence structure. Why are dragging me, the voice inside your head, into this paper?” asked the voice.
“I’m writing whatever goes through my mind,” I told the voice.
“I think you’re just filling space,” said the voice. “Besides, your flingers on the keyboard can never keep up with your mind. So, it is futile to write down everything that goes through your mind. You need to turn the TV off and call you mother for the information you need.”
I did turn off the TV and I did called my mother. Actually, I talked to my Dad. He going to call me back with the information I needed.
“See, what did I tell you? It’s been at least 30 minutes since you had those thoughts. It takes you even more time to check your spelling, grammar and punctuation on the computer. Your will never keep up with your mind, no matter how hard you try.”
“I can always slow you down,” I told the voice.
“No, you can’t! You only choose what you’re going put down on paper. In your case, typing on to a electronic file, which holds your thoughts and ideas. I’m going to leave you now. But, before I do, you need to clarify your statement as to why did you curse yourself and the Universe for an idea that God had nothing to do with.”
“I didn’t curse the Universe!”
“Yes, you did. Are you, yourself a part of the Universe? You curse yourself you curse the Universe. You curse Kay, you curse the Universe.”
“Hey, wait a minute! I never said, that I curse Kay.”
“You said, you curse the god who wrote the thought or idea of pride and prejudice. Peter dear, pride and prejudice is not a law; it’s a choice. Kay rejected you of her own free will and choice. Kay could not hold you in her heart.”
“What! What do you mean she couldn’t hold me in her heart? Where did this idea come from?” I demanded to know.
“Perhaps, another time. I need to go. You need to go. May be, you can meditate on it.”
“Wait! You can’t leave me now. Who are you anyway?”
“Good-bye dear one,”
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment