How do I begin this story? Manasseh, you take over and write. I don’t want to get in the way of what is a beautiful story.
First of all, let’s tell the story as it happen, than we’ll discuss all the thoughts and feelings surrounding the story. Remember, this is about you, not about her. This is medicine for your recovery.
Shell we begin? Peter, will you now present the story as it unfolded. I remind you to stay within your heart center chakra.
A Facebook message pops on to computer screen, “Peter, Would you be interested in some Goddess Loving attention?” I hesitated for moment not knowing what to think. I quickly type, “We’ll play it by ear when you get here.”
With my pounding, I decided I needed some fresh air. I pick up a load of garbage from my kitchen floor and headed out the door to the garbage bin located half way between my apartment building and the main road, where I catch the bus in the mornings to go to work. The round trip to the garbage bin and back is about five to seven minutes depending on how fast I walked.
Back in my apartment, my heart still pounding, my Monkey-mind racing and my stomach now growling, I made one slice of toast with peanut butter and threw it down my throat hoping it will settle my stomach. After cleaning up the kitchen, I headed in to the bedroom to make the bed. Seeing the crystals on the alter, I started meditating, which quieted the head as well as the heart. A few minutes later, there was a knock at my door.
I opened the door to find a familiar face smiling back at me. We hugged each other as I invited her inside. I don’t believe she has ever been inside my apartment. We caught up on each other lives as she sat in my old blue easy chair. After a few minutes of talking with me, she stands up and walked over to each altar in the living room to admire the crystal spheres.
I showed her the bedroom where more crystals were. After looking around at all the crystals on the altars, she laid down on the bed. Without any hesitating, my body naturally walks over to the opposite side of the bed and lays down beside her.
“Now that we’re here, what would you like to do?” She asked of me. I was totally flabbergasted by being under the spell of the Goddess. I didn’t know what to say. She put me at ease by stoking my hair and gently touching different parts of my body. She leans closer to me to kiss me.
“This is a gift from the Goddess.” She stated to me. She starts to undress me by unbuttoning my shirt. Than she went for my pants by undoing my belt. Before I knew it, I was lying naked beside her.
“Do you want me to take my clothes off or leave them on?” She asked. “Off!” came a nervous reply from my lips. She stood up and clothes went flying around the room. There we were, both of us naked on my bed. Is this a dream?
I was a witness to every curve of her beautiful Goddess shape body, the body type I’d most desire. I wanted so much to put my penis into her virgia and have erotic intercourse. Being so nervous, my body did not respond the way I wanted it to. No erection of the penis means no pleasure for the Goddess.
She just held me in an intimate embrace by snuggling. The feel of her skin against me was electrifying. Her touch was amazing blissful. As quickly as it started, it was over. She was dress and out the door to meet with family members before had a chance to say a proper good-bye. By the gift she gave me, she made me feel desirable.
One week later after my second encounter with the Goddess, I learned she has move on to another relationship. Yeah, it hurts.
Peter, do you want to discuss your thoughts and feelings around this story?
All of my thoughts and feelings are well documented on Facebook. A word about Facebook, a social networking tool that is a half billion strong, Facebook is very powerful and very dangerous tool if it gets into the hands of people with corrupt hearts, it can have devastating effect on people lives.
My first Facebook post following the encounter with Goddess:
My mind is freaking out... Yes, it is the monkey-mind at work. The only relief I have is to breathe and to meditate by staying in the moment.
I learn something about myself from this experience, I don’t think I can be poly or have an open relationship. I notice I feel jealousy and emotional pain when a partner wants to explore another relationship. This is evident by my Facebook status:
I hate this fuckin feeling inside of me!
Comment: Love it. Be with it. Explore it. Good luck!
My Comment: I must be alive, because I can feel it.
Comment: Yup. ☺
My Comment: You know what? It hurts.
Comment: Good noticing!
My Comment: I can feel! I can express!
Comment: Yay! You could also just feel. We get to decide what to do with our feelings! ☺
Good Facebook friends will call you on your shit.
This painful tirade almost sounds like Mel Gibson’s outburst. In the midst of my emotional pain, I unleash this comment:
When it comes to paying it forwards with affairs of the heart, you better fuckin mean it. This is my flaw. Now, I get to stay in this moment with a bruise heart.
In response to my insomnia and the bruise heart, I was invited by Spirit to blog as my medicine. If by chance, the Goddess shows up and invites me to dance with her again, I just may take her up on it, just to feel the excitement of that rollercoaster ride.
Yes, I manifested a lover for one special moment, to breathe and be in that sacred moment will be treasured and remembered forever. The pain will soon dissipate and I will be served with a memory. I am God.
Post Script: The first encounter with the Goddess, happen on a Sauvé’s Island beach, one year ago.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
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