Sunday Morning Rants

I’m feeling blue this Sunday morning. I feel like complaining. I can’t seem to find a ride to church. Who cares any way. The topic today is on the course of miracles and the speaker is dry and boring with no wit. The speaker I really want to hear is away in Bend, Oregon this weekend. I wish she would bring me some of her latest CDs, so I can share with the ministers at the church I regular attend. I think if they heard her speak, they would invite her to speak. Gee, she already has a speaking engagement in January at the other church I attend on Tuesday nights when I’m not somewhere else.

Shit, I hate sitting at home… doing nothing. When I can be out connecting with other like-minded souls. So what if the speaker is not entertaining, at lease I can be out there socially interacting. I think I better get on the phone and get my butt to church. May be the speaker won’t be so bad as I think… I’m outta hear!

Love and Blessings.

Three Thanksgiving Day Monsters

At our writing class on Tuesday, Anakha brought some oracle cards. I drew a card with the figure of a man with three ghostly figures surfacing from his head. I quickly wrote down the words, which came to mind upon drawing the card.

Ghosts of my mind. I am Manasseh, embracing the monsters in my head. I am not afraid of these monsters, for I made them my friends. Three ghosts are howling at me. “Please take care of me.”

As the writing exercise progress, I found myself taking dictation from an invisible force. Feeling rested, I can edit the words in the paragraph that I wrote on Tuesday night.

One ghost howled: “Take care of my bills.”
A second ghost howled: “Take care of my apartment.”
And the third ghost howled: “Take care of my body.”

I blog here this Thanksgiving morning with the critical mind fully engaged, thinking to myself, I have nowhere to go for Thanksgiving day dinner. The plans didn’t pan out as I hope for. Oh well, that’s life. I told everyone at work and at church, I had a place to go for Thanksgiving dinner. I will stay home today and watch the Thanksgiving Day parade and a lot of football. I got plenty of food in the fridge. I will be fine. And besides, who wants to wait for a bus on a cold day?

I return back to my notes in my notebook from Tuesday night writing class. It was if a invisible force was taking control of my hand. It must be Manasseh, my alter ego. Who else could it be? I want to edit my notes into comprehension thought.

Manasseh: “Please take of me…”

Peter: “Take care of who?”

Manasseh: “Don’t stop (writing)…”

Peter: “How do I take care of you?”

Manasseh: “You are you… Take care of your things.”

Peter: “No… It’s something invisible…”

Manasseh: “You’re wrong, it’s both. Pay your bills. Clean and F.S. your apartment. Take care of health… Eat right. We are the three monsters.”

Peter: “Huh? What? Manasseh divided himself into three beings… three monsters?”

Manasseh: “P.S. The Universe wants to take care of you… You are the Universe.”

There is a lot here in my notes that I do not understand. What does F.S stands for? Who are the three monsters and what do they want from me? How can Manasseh dived himself into three beings? The only way I can figure this out is to biog tonight when I’m tired… When I’ll be out of my mind.

Right now, I want to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade and some football. Eat breakfast.

Happy Thanksgiving. Love and Blessings.

Body Talk: Part 2

My hair wants to speak up:

Why did you cut me off? I was so beautiful upon your head. I can’t wait to grow back.

I may keep my hair short. The ladies like it short.

What? Keep me short… how could you? What do girls know anyway? I want to be long, flowing, white and beautiful. I am a warrior… A mighty warrior. Why do you listen to outside forces who do not know any better?

I Show Up As Raw Truth

Once it’s on, it’s on… it’s not going to turn off…
What is on?
My raw truth… my radical honesty.
My dark secrets are being reveal
I’m drunken with love’s madness
To be revealing my darkest secrets is liberating.
The Mormon Church is ok right where it is.
Martie and Christine are beautiful and perfect right where they are.
The elixir of loves presences is the truth of all things…
Everything will be healed and forgiven.

I don’t give a shit about the truth that’s presides in organized religion. I only care about what I can feel in my heart… the fire in my belly… the Spirit that dwells within this body. I made vow to live fully within this body. I will continually show up in radiant love. I will speak my truth. I will walk my walk. I will dance my dance. Although, it may not look perfect to you, it’s mine to have. It is myself expression… and I’ll do it however its pleases the God in me.

I love to dance and to express myself. I have found a venue that supports that need for self expression. The energy in that venue vibrates at a higher rate than previous known.

Time has expired. Love and Blessings.

Healing

Forgiving the Mormon Church

Manasseh: Why is you heart, anti-Mormon church?

Peter: I’m not anti-Mormon.

Manasseh: Your heart is anti-Mormon church, I know the feelings of your heart. Whenever a member of the church comes in to Home Depot to greet you. You recoiled.

Peter: I do?

Manasseh: You cannot be coy with me, your own self. This is radical honesty time. I want to know why your heart feels this way. What did the Mormon church do to you that made you feel this way?

Peter: They made me feel like I was a sinner… Worthless and small.

Manasseh: They made you feel… Or you gave them permission to make you feel like you were a sinner… Worthless and small.

Peter: I gave them permission to make feel that way… Did it to myself. They didn’t make me feel anything. They didn’t do anything to me. I did it all to myself.

Manasseh: Yes, Peter. You did to yourself. This is called personal responsibility. The church has some responsibility of its own, by teaching its members, if they don’t follow the commandments of God, they are made to feel small and unworthy.

Peter: This leads me to a redundant question. Why do the members of the Mormon Church need to follow God’s commandments? I’m not sure if I understand anymore.

Manasseh: The commandments, or rather, the rules of the church are set up to protect the “flock” from wondering off into other “pastures.” The biblical Jesus often refers to his followers as his flock, or his sheep. The church had to set up boundaries to prevent its membership from exploring new areas of the mind and the heart. The church knew if they lost control over its followers, it would loosed its power and profits.

Peter: Manasseh, why are you so wise? Where do you get your wisdom?

Two days later…

Manasseh: Peter, are going to finish this blog?

Peter: that’s my intent.

Manasseh: Okay Peter, how do you intend to heal the rift between you and Martie Geltz?

Peter: I have nothing against Martie. I forgave her.

Manasseh: Forgive her of what? What did she do? Come on Peter, spill your beans.

Peter: why? People read this blog. My Dad read this blog. My Dad knows nothing about my debt to Martie. I pay my debt to Martie a year ago.

Manasseh: The truth is you ban Martie from your life for threatening to take you to court over the $600.00 you owed her.

Peter: Stop it, Manasseh. You’re embarrassing me. I didn’t like the idea of going to court when I have the fund to paid my debt.

Manasseh: Wow Peter, I thought you were all about your truth… your raw truth. It was a lot of money, wasn’t it Peter. You’re still mad at Martie, aren’t you Peter. Does the truth hurts?

Peter: Martie is dealing with own issues. She doesn’t want me in her life right now. She doesn’t want Anakha, Aminga, Lisa or Gene in her life. Do you expect me to publish this blog tonight?

Manasseh: Yes Peter, I do. Martie has been hurt. Her own beloveds wounded her. Anakha is doing everything in her power to heal that wound. You need to keep your heart open and ready to respond when the circle is call together.

Peter: What circle? When? How long are you going to keep me up tonight? I’m tired. I have to work tomorrow.

Manasseh: You know Anakha is forming the MA circle for healing old wounds. As a part of your healing, and forgiving those around you and including yourself, I want you to put it out there to the Universe. Yes, publish this blog and know when you go to bed, you will be bless with dreams of the beloved.

Peter: You’re kidding?

Manasseh: I don’t joke around when its come to matter of the heart. Love and Blessings, Peter. Go to bed, dear one.

Words and phrases…
What do they all mean?
Write into it.
Write into what?
What you know…
What you feel…
What you believe…
What you trust…
What I trust? What I trust?
I trust the Universe.
I trust the Universe to get me there.
I have to trust… I need to trust… I choose to trust.
It’s what gets me through to the other side…
The other side of the pain.
The other side of the fear.
Why is there pain everywhere I see?
On every face that pass by me?
Is the world so full of pain that they can’t feel anymore?
They can’t feel their hearts…
They can’t feel their beloveds…
They can’t feel their desires… their passions… their dreams…
They can’t feel their breath…
They can’t feel their bellies burn with fire…
They become empty…
They become numb…
Without the fire, there is no life… they will die.
God is the fire, the passion that burns within the belly.
God is the heart that beats for the beloved.
God is the breath that breathes every emotion within the body.
God is the desire that drives every dream.
One question remains…
Can love heal the pain?

Body Talk: Part 1

What does my left elbow have to say to me?

You hold me in… You covered me up. I want to be out in the open… I want to be naked. Yes, I am boning. So what if I’m ugly. But, I would love a tan.